Title: 5 Useful Tips You Could Use and Deal With A Partner Who Insists All The Problems in The Relationship are yours!
Author: Cucan Pemo
Many couples are facing problems in their relationship. Your relationship may be having trouble for one reason or another and it may seem that the other person is trying to put all the blame on you! This is very common and you may find it to be frustrating and irritating as well. There are a few things that you can do to help this situation get better and learn how to deal with it when your partner is insisting that all the problems in your relationship are yours.
If you are in a relationship where your partner is trying to blame all of the problems on you, you may find this to be very stressful. This is something that you will have to deal with and try to make right before you can go any further. This is not a good way to be in a relationship with anyone. You need to make sure that you are facing the facts that you are going to have to figure a way to put an end to this.
If your partner is putting all the blame on you for the trouble in your relationship is talk it out. You will have to find a way to work through this problem. You may feel like you are alone in trying to make things better because the other person is claiming no responsibility. You should not have to feel this way. Sit down with your partner and talk to them. Tell them how you are feeling and what you want to happen. With any luck, this will help the situation and make things a little better.
Another tip is: you can do is making a list of all the things that are bothering you in the relationship. If you are having a problem with something that the other person did or is doing, you need to include it on the list. Have the other person do the same thing. You can then compare the list and find out where you both stand. Once you do this, you may see the similar reasons or the ones that are way off from what you believe is really going on.
Share the list with each other and try to figure out what you both can work on. Take notice if all the problems in the relationship are really yours and if so, what can you do to fix what you are responsible for. However, you are going to want to evaluate your relationship and what you both can do to make it better.
Try to think about the things that you can do to make the relationship better. Are you having trouble at work? Do the kids drive you crazy? These things can make the relationship have stress. One of the biggest problems in a marriage or relationship is money.
Many couples today fight over money and not have enough of it. This is one thing that you cannot let destroy your marriage. If you are having a problem with the finances, you will have to discuss this with your partner and not fight about it.
You should think of ways that you can eliminate stress. When you are in a relationship, you sometimes let your stress build up until you cannot take it anymore. When this happens, you will then take it out on your partner. This is not fair and you should not do this for any reason. If you under a great deal of stress, you can think of ways to release it naturally. There are a few things that you can do to make your body and mind a little more at peace.
You can do things together with your partner to help you release the amount of stress that you are under. You can take a walk, watch a movie or sit together and just talk. You will not only feel much better, but you will be able to take some of the problems in the relationship off of you as well.
There is nothing wrong with taking responsibility for having a bad relationship as long as you are the cause. If you have a partner that is making your life difficult, chances are that they are the problem and maybe they actually have to re evaluate themselves to make some changes for the good.
The last thing that you can do to deal with a partner that is insisting that all the relationships problems are because of you is to get out of the situation. If your partner is not helping your relationship and you believe that you are not the sole problem, maybe you should think about moving on. You want to do everything that you can of course to make the relationship work, but sometimes the other person can make it impossible. There is just no reason for you to live your life unhappy.
If your relationship is going down hill and you feel there is nothing you can do about, you may want to end it. Sometimes you just have to move onto another destination so that you can find yourself. Once you have figured out that you are not the problem and that you have done everything that, you can, you may want to simply step away from the entire relationship. This is going to be healthier for you and for the other person as well. You will be able to move on and get on with a relationship that works better for you.
It's hard to be in a one-way relationship. Everything seems to be your fault and the other party refuses to take responsibility for their actions. This is the worst part of being in a one-way relationship, because it takes a part of you away. You will loose control of not only the relationship, but also yourself. You will lack self-esteem and nerve to stand up for yourself.
You need to give the relationship a chance, but you need to realize a point where enough is enough. You need to identify your breaking point and stick to your guns. If you say, it's therapy or nothing, then follow through or they won't ever take you serious again.
One tip you will want to use with a mate you feels that you are the root of all the relationships problems is to level the field. Tell them that you are equal to them as a person. You are not inferior to them, but you two are equal. You both having probably made some mistakes, however, it is not just one or the other. You both have a 50/50 partnership. Level the playing field by asking them what makes them better than you; this will get the other to shut up. Now that you have just leveled the field, you can begin to talk about the things that both you in the relationship and for a couple moments focus on yourself.
Second tip to use to help you deal with a partner who insists that you are the problem to the relationship is too first as them why they are with you. If you truly cause them so much pain and problems, then they wouldn't be with you, however, they choose to stay.
Ask your mate why they feel the need to sit down and put you down, but still choose to be with you. If you were truly that bad of a person, they would have left you. You need to see them for who they are; when a person puts another down it is their way of showing control and power.
The third tip for your relationship is to ask you mate to list all the things that have gone wrong in the relationship and ask them why they feel that it is your fault. They will most likely walk away and you have just gained the power in the relationship. How long will you keep the power? When it comes to the power in a relationship it has to be 50/50. Now that you have it, what will you do? What you should do is use the power for your advantage.
The fourth step to guide you in this type of relationship is finding the way to use the power to gain yourself back. By now, they have probably taken a lot a way from you. Your self-esteem has to be low to put up with such abuse. When you are dealing with the power now, you will want to make your demands.
Like you want to go to couples therapy or you will want them to get help with their need to control you. You need to stand up for yourself. You need to stand up to them so that you can be happy in the relationship. At this point you may find that they are willing to give therapy a chance or that they will resist the idea by trying to knock you down again emotionally. This is when you need to go to step five.
Step five in dealing with this relationship is finding a way to be comfortable to leave. Not all relationships will last, and nor should you allow someone to cut you down in size. You should not have someone take away your dignity or compromise your self-worth to be in a relationship. They can't see you as a person, then, they don't deserve you. If they aren't willing to even give therapy a shot, then they aren't in for the long run and they are wasting your time.
If you leave, never look back. This is obviously a relationship that you shouldn't be in and they don't deserve you. If it's meant to be, you can work things out, but if they aren't meant to be, then there is no need to carry out a relationship.
About the author:
http://www.AttractATrueLoveSecrets.com Get your Love Tips and Love Strategies here.
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http://www.FamilyAndRelationships.com Tons of tips, advice and tools to strengthen your marriage, love and family relationships.
Title: Keeping the Flame of Love Burning
Author: Tom Chapman
Love relationships and fireplaces are very similar. Both can bring warmth and a feeling of comfort into our homes and make it a cozy haven to help us escape from the harsh realities of life. However, it takes hard work to make this happen.
To keep the flame of love burning in your relationship, you shall have to add the wood to keep this fire burning at the same rate at which it gets consumed.
The beginning of any romantic relationship is full of spark. The spark becomes brighter and mightier when you add fuel such as chocolates, flowers, love notes, love bites, candle light dinners and just being together. Soon routine sets in and you and I, let other things to consume us. Our work, kids, housework seem to take all our time, and we are left with no time for keeping the flame of love burning brightly.
No longer are candle light dinners, long walks, hugs, holding hands and doing other things together, important. Instead the man finds warmth on the couch in front of the TV and the wife finds her affection in a book.
Many of you, who are still with me, must be thinking - "Wow, this is really us!" So how can we ensure that the romance and passion stay alive?
If we desire something with a deep intensity and passion, we shall also have to work hard with purposeful intention to make it work. So in order to keep the fire burning, you shall have to work, be ready to make the effort and also be prepared to do things which you would never have done, before.
1. Be prepared for the cold and harsh winters before they come
An intelligent person will always try to be prepared knowing that cold season is approaching. This means that the person shall have enough firewood cut and stored to keep him warm and comfortable. Similarly, you should set aside some money to indulge yourself in things that can keep the passion alive in your relation. Plan special dates, candle light dinners, or just some time away from everyone and stay warm.
2. Do not wait for too long; feed the fire on time to keep it burning
Understand that you sometimes need to get away from the regular environment and go to someplace new. This shall help you feed the fire regularly and continuously. Send your beloved flowers, gifts, or just go for a long drive. Surprise your partner by calling him and saying 'I just called to say, I love you'. This is very effective. Watch the sparks fly once again.
3. Know your firewood
Make serious attempts to know your likes and dislikes. Find out what your lover likes to eat, what's his favorite color, what kind of movies does he like etc. And if you are not sure what turns him on or off, Ask! It's better to ask than experiment.
However if your relationship has died and grown cold, you shall have to start all over again. The best way to revive the fire is to feed it a little at a time. Revisit your courting days and do the same things you did back then. Late night phone calls, flowers, candy, perfumes, toys, hugs, stealing kisses and watch the fire come back to life. Remember, when the fire dies, it's not just the fireplace which becomes cold, but the whole house!
For more relationship advice and to rekindle or re-ignite yourrelationship, visit www.TheSinglesNetwork.com, the largest local dating network in the world.
About the author:
Tom Chapman, CEO, Net Content Creations, Inc.
Title: Afraid of CHANGE? Changing Aspects Of A Relationship And Relationship Maintenance
Author: Michael Douglas
Even though change is an inevitable part of life, many people often fear any kind of change. Therefore, it is no surprise that when things start changing within a relationship it could cause one or both partners to question their relationship. These changes can be something as small as you not getting a haircut or letting go as far as your image is concerned. You need to understand that just because things are changing; it does not mean it is a bad thing. It simply means your partner is getting very comfortable with you and probably does not feel the need to impress anymore. However, if your relationship is changing and you don't know why, read on to know some common changes that relationships go through and why people don't like those changes:
CHECK YOUR APPEARANCE
When you and your partner met for the first time, he or she was probably attracted to you on the basis of how you presented yourself. Later, they probably got to know you as a person and learnt to appreciate you for who you are and not how you look.
While this is great, after a while you might get so comfortable in the relationship that you stop keeping a check on your appearance.
Why your partner hates it: Even if your partner does love you for the person you are and you have reached a point in your relationship where it does not matter how you look anymore, impressions still count.
Maybe not at a superficial level where you have to look good all the time. But, just because you are comfortable with someone does not mean you can go around looking like a complete mess. Your partner still has to look at you and feel attracted to you. So if your feel you have started to let go of your image – stop and learn to take better care of yourself.
WATCH YOUR MANNERS
In the beginning of a relationship, you are angling for a commitment from your partner. Therefore, you will always be well behaved. You probably won't burp or talk with your mouth full. Once you get your commitment though, you might start being yourself and yes, an occasional burp is only human and excusable. But making a habit of it, unmindful of your partner watching is another thing all together.
Why your partner hates it: It might be surprising to your partner that his or her prince or princess charming is a big slob. No one is asking you to be proper at all times, but even if you are 100 per cent committed to your partner, a few courtesies like excusing yourself when you burp, won't kill you.
NO MORE LOVE
You could not stop complimenting your partner when you first met him or her and now you barely notice them.
Why your partner hates it: If you stop noticing your partner, he or she might think you are running out of love for him or her. If your partner gets a new haircut or buys new clothes, try to notice it and give him or her occasional compliments, it will keep the romance in your relationship alive.
YOUR START FORGETTING
From remembering every single detail about his or her life, you start to forget important dates like birthdays and anniversaries.
Why your partner hates it: Well it is pretty obvious. A birthday or an anniversary is an important occasion that everyone would like to be wished for. Even if you regret forgetting and get him or her the best birthday present - they will still feel bad that you forgot. So, don't be insensitive and forget, make a note of it somewhere and you'll avoid a lot of relationship trouble.
If you constantly get irritable when you used to control your temper around him or her, your partner has good reason to get annoyed.
Why your partner hates it: Consider his or her perspective: They entered the relationship with a seemingly even-tempered person, but he or she turns out to be an impatient, bad-tempered stress case. How fair is that?
NO MORE COMPROMISE
You used to be happy to spend time with his or her family, but now you're not as willing. Or maybe you used to put up with seeing the occasional romantic comedy and now you only want to watch action or girly flicks. If you used to make compromises, but now you're completely inflexible, you might want to reconsider your change of behavior.
Why your partner hates it: Of all the relationship changes people hate, this is probably the most serious offence. People tend to be compromising by nature, and if your boyfriend girlfriend doesn't see you reciprocating, you might get thrown out of the door. One of the benefits of a long-term relationship is that you can finally loosen up and stop trying to impress the other person, but be careful not to go to the other extreme.
About the author:
Michael Douglas is a relationship expert and he deals with relationship problems viz.
http://www.love-lectures.com/marriage/communicate_with_ur_husband.htm relationship communication,
http://www.love-lectures.com/relationship/relationship_insecurity.htm insecurity in relationship,
http://www.love-lectures.com/relationship/get_man_to_commit.htm commitment in relationship.
Title: When Your Partner Is Feeling Run Down, What Do You Do?
Author: Ted And Christine Segura
Isn't it wonderful if we could always stay up and be happy like the sun? This way, a happy mood generates so many positive results. A happy person loves well, thinks well, has a good attitude, is enthusiastic, creative and only wants the good for his family and friends. It's a great feeling just like two people in love! Everyone would want to be around a person like this. In this situation, there would be no need for Christian marriage counseling.
However, people's moods and emotions change too just like the weather. There comes a time when the day starts to become gloomy and dark clouds start to form. Then it starts to rain and can even become a thunderstorm. On a rare occasion a hurricane can suddenly appear.
How does this compare to our life especially for married couples? Majority of us when we were in love, once thought that when we get married, it will be happily ever after just like the fairy tales we used to read. But when this romance starts to slowly fade and reality sets in, our moods and emotions change from time to time.
You definitely don't want a thunderstorm in your relationship and more so a hurricane when problems start to occur between you and your spouse. And so when you're feeling run down why, you turn to Christian marriage counseling. On the other hand, let's see how we can prevent this condition.
Here are a few helpful tips that can guide you to keep the sunshine in your home.
1. Be sensitive to your partner and your loved ones.
What does this mean? To be happy, you must make the other happy. When you notice that your spouse is tired or feeling run down why physically and even spiritually, attend to him or her immediately and leave what you are doing at the moment.
Now if your spouse is feeling run down why due to a problem, BE there to lift his or her spirits up! Comfort him with encouraging words. It could also just be your mere presence with a loving embrace. You must know the need of your spouse especially at this critical moment.
2. You are in control
You have the choice to be happy or not. You have the choice to make others happy or not. Therefore, you can control the temperature of your relationship regardless of the situation. You can prevent a problem from becoming big. In Christian marriage counseling, we don't allow this to happen because you will regret it when your spouse storms out the house. Your role is to maintain a happy relationship.
3. Put yourself in the shoes of your spouse
How would you like to be treated? It should be the same way how you should treat the other. If you yourself are feeling run down why, you definitely want the love and attention of your spouse. Therefore, do the same when your spouse is feeling down. You can't leave him alone to get up by himself. He or she needs you at that very moment. Again BE there for your spouse as strongly encouraged in Christian marriage counseling.
Nourish your relationship everyday just as we need to nourish our body and spirit. Just as we take in food supplements to help keep a healthy body, we need to put love everyday into the relationship. So remember when your partner is feeling run down why down, double the dosage of love!
About the author:
Ted and Christine Segura have been involved in the topic of relationships for several years. They are seriously involved in an organization that helps couples and families in the areas of family life and enhancing relations. They can be contacted at
Title: What Do Husbands Really Want in a Wife?
Author: Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D.
Because many men do not discuss feelings as easily as most women do, wives are often shocked when their husband actually voices his desire to separate or divorce. They might have suspected that their spouse wasn't entirely happy, but they didn't think
he'd ever be the one to end the marriage.
Sometimes the husband can't give a specific answer as to why he feels the way he does. He just finally gets to the point where he can't continue living the way he is. Sometimes, these feelings are brought to a head by the awareness that he's getting older and life is passing him by. Or the feelings of discontent can be activated when another female finds him attractive and makes a play for him.
"What does he want from me that I'm not giving him?" "How can I be interested in sex when I'm exhausted from everything I do for our three kids every day?" "We've made it through some really tough times and I thought things were getting better, so why would he leave now?" All of these questions and many others haunt the surprised wives.
To better understand what husbands want, let's look at some of the priorities men have shared with me in marriage counseling sessions:
1. Men want to be appreciated for what they contribute to the marriage and family.
They don't want to be taken for granted. Some men have said, "I feel like she only values my paycheck and if I weren't here anymore, she'd be fine with that." Everyone likes to feel appreciated, and husbands are no exception.
It's easy to focus on what a spouse isn't doing, especially if a husband and wife are disagreeing about how much each should help with the kids or around the house. The wise wife will express appreciation for what her husband is currently doing and for the positive qualities he brings to the marriage, even while discussions continue about things she'd like to see done differently in the future.
2. Husbands enjoy seeing their wives smile and laugh, and they find smiles and laughter appealing.
They do enjoy having their wives appreciate their jokes or stories, but they also like to see their wives just looking happy in general. This doesn't mean going around with a fake grin and pretending everything is fine when it isn't. But it does mean keeping a sense of humor in spite of problems and being able to shut the door on worries temporarily when you have some "down time" with your spouse.
3. Husbands want to feel that their wives really care about their welfare and about them on a deep level.
They want their wife to spend time with them, to be concerned about their health, happiness, and well-being.
Especially as men age, the feeling that a spouse doesn't really care about them cuts deeply, even if the husband never shows that he's hurt by the lack of affection and caring. They don't want to feel that the kids always come first and that their preferences and needs are overlooked.
In numerous homes, this dynamic is what gets off balance and leads to serious relationship problems. The wife thinks she's doing what's best by putting the kids' needs first, not realizing that the husband is as hurt as he is by this.
4. Husbands want private time with their wives--not just for sex, although that's important--but also to do activities together on their own.
This is where making time for a "date night out" every week or so is important. Then the husband and wife can see a movie they want to see, uninterrupted by the kids, or have a peaceful meal at a restaurant. They can go bowling or dancing or get together with friends and keep their identity as an adult couple, not just as parents.
I have seen couples in counseling through the years who have decided not to ever leave their kids with a babysitter or go out on their own. This is always a red flag to me of an unwise course of action in the marriage. A heightened sense of passion between spouses is helped by time alone, "date time," private time, time for the important part of the relationship that exists beyond the kids to be strengthened and nurtured.
5. Husbands want a satisfying sex life.
You knew we'd eventually get to sex, didn't you? So here it is. A marriage without a passionate sex life is lacking a key ingredient that wives all too often underestimate. And the reality is that a husband who does not have a satisfying sexual relationship with his wife is much more vulnerable to becoming involved with someone else.
Yes, I know there are couples who over time stop having sex and yet both partners choose to stay in the marriage, but in many cases, there's a resulting sense of resignation and dullness in the marriage. The fire or passionate spark that helps a couple to stay together is missing, so there's often a lack of "life" or energy in the relationship.
Wives can argue until they're blue in the face that sex shouldn't mean so much to husbands, but the reality is that it usually does have a high priority on the husband's list. Why? Because it feels good, because it makes him feel attractive and desired, because it enhances satisfaction with the marriage, because it can help the husband to feel closer and more connected to his wife, and because it relieves stress.
Use these five areas above to open discussion with your husband about how he feels in the marriage and whether his needs are being met. After all, that's one of the keys to marriage success--opening the communication door so that each spouse can share from his or her viewpoint and feel heard by the partner.
About the author:
Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This is available at www.KeepYourMarriage.com, where you can sign up for a free weekly marriage advice newsletter. Dr. Wasson offers telephone and email coaching to spouses who want to overcome marriage problems and create a rewarding, loving marriage.