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Title: Keeping the Love Alive: Maintaining Good Feelings in Any Kind of Relationship (Part One of Two)

Author: Paul & Layne Cutright

Article:
Have you ever noticed how enthusiasm and affection between two people can dwindle as time goes on? Whether it's a romance, friendship, or work relationship, sometimes the air goes right out of your sails, seemingly for no reason. But usually, it's not without cause. It's most often due to the emotional cancer of resentment. However mild or intense, resentment can erode a relationship. Because it is so subtle in the beginning, you hardly notice as it slowly destroys intimacy and trust and, finally, love.

What causes the cancer to spread? It's sacrifice, doing something for someone else that you don't really want to do, which is driven by the fear of what will happen if you don't do it.

In general, our culture confuses sacrifice with love, teaching us the virtue of loving others more than ourselves. So we attempt to demonstrate or prove love with sacrifice, and we get upset or feel unloved if others won't sacrifice for us. Yet sacrifice is a wheel that crushes everyone who gets on it. It goes like this:

1. When you sacrifice (do something you don't really want to do for fear of what will happen if you don't) you have …

2. An unspoken expectation (e.g., they will sacrifice for you later or regard you in a particular way or love you more) that creates hidden agendas, but, you get …

3. Disappointed because they fail to fulfill their end of the bargain (e.g., love you the way you want them to or do what you want them to) so, you become …

4. Resentful, perhaps angry ("After all I've done for you!"), which leads inevitably to …

5. Guilt (because resentment is an attack on the other and attack always boomerangs at some level), so the best way to atone for your guilt is to …

6. Sacrifice some more to prove what a good and loving person you really are. And 'round and 'round you go on the wheel of sacrifice.

You may be wondering if we think it's ever okay to give. Of course! Real service, or authentic giving, has no strings attached and expects nothing in return later. The reward is in the experience of the giving itself.

If you see you've been sacrificing, how do you get off this vicious circle? Three ways:

1. Use forgiveness to heal your guilty thoughts and feelings (the root of your impulse to sacrifice).

2. Stop sacrificing and create a new understanding in your relationships that sacrifice is toxic. Agree not to do it anymore or expect others to do it for you, which means you have the freedom to say no without losing love.

3. Make clear requests and express explicit expectations.

Can you imagine what your relationships might be like if no one sacrificed but did only what they wanted to do? The people you love and who love you would be in your life because they really chose to be there, not because they felt it was expected or it was what they were "supposed" to do.

Because sacrifice is so deeply ingrained in our culture, you may experience resistance as you consider what you're reading here. But we encourage you to experiment. When we first fell in love, we decided we would not sacrifice for one another. Instead, we would tell the truth about what we did and did not want to do, and we would not use "emotional blackmail" to try to get the other to sacrifice for us. We would not withhold love when one of us said no, and we would not extend ourselves with an unspoken expectation of reward later. It has not always been easy, but it has been one of the most important decisions we've made. We credit it as one of the primary reasons we are still happily together and our love is still so vibrantly alive.

In part two of this article, you'll see how to stop sacrificing (instead, create relationships that are resentment-free zones!), and practice the fine art of being true to yourself and the partnerships you create.

© 2006 Paul and Layne Cutright - All rights reserved. You may publish this article in its entirety and with the authors' resource information intact.

About the author:
Layne and Paul Cutright are relationship coaches and teachers who have been offering secrets and strategies for successful
relationships at home and in business since 1976. They are authors of the best selling book, You're Never Upset for the Reason You Think - Secrets and Strategies for Resolving Any Upset Quickly and Easily. www.PaulandLayne.com

Title: Keeping the Flame of Love Burning

Author: Tom Chapman

Article:
Love relationships and fireplaces are very similar. Both can bring warmth and a feeling of comfort into our homes and make it a cozy haven to help us escape from the harsh realities of life. However, it takes hard work to make this happen.

To keep the flame of love burning in your relationship, you shall have to add the wood to keep this fire burning at the same rate at which it gets consumed.

The beginning of any romantic relationship is full of spark. The spark becomes brighter and mightier when you add fuel such as chocolates, flowers, love notes, love bites, candle light dinners and just being together. Soon routine sets in and you and I, let other things to consume us. Our work, kids, housework seem to take all our time, and we are left with no time for keeping the flame of love burning brightly.

No longer are candle light dinners, long walks, hugs, holding hands and doing other things together, important. Instead the man finds warmth on the couch in front of the TV and the wife finds her affection in a book.

Many of you, who are still with me, must be thinking - "Wow, this is really us!" So how can we ensure that the romance and passion stay alive?

If we desire something with a deep intensity and passion, we shall also have to work hard with purposeful intention to make it work. So in order to keep the fire burning, you shall have to work, be ready to make the effort and also be prepared to do things which you would never have done, before.

1. Be prepared for the cold and harsh winters before they come

An intelligent person will always try to be prepared knowing that cold season is approaching. This means that the person shall have enough firewood cut and stored to keep him warm and comfortable. Similarly, you should set aside some money to indulge yourself in things that can keep the passion alive in your relation. Plan special dates, candle light dinners, or just some time away from everyone and stay warm.

2. Do not wait for too long; feed the fire on time to keep it burning

Understand that you sometimes need to get away from the regular environment and go to someplace new. This shall help you feed the fire regularly and continuously. Send your beloved flowers, gifts, or just go for a long drive. Surprise your partner by calling him and saying 'I just called to say, I love you'. This is very effective. Watch the sparks fly once again.

3. Know your firewood

Make serious attempts to know your likes and dislikes. Find out what your lover likes to eat, what's his favorite color, what kind of movies does he like etc. And if you are not sure what turns him on or off, Ask! It's better to ask than experiment.

However if your relationship has died and grown cold, you shall have to start all over again. The best way to revive the fire is to feed it a little at a time. Revisit your courting days and do the same things you did back then. Late night phone calls, flowers, candy, perfumes, toys, hugs, stealing kisses and watch the fire come back to life. Remember, when the fire dies, it's not just the fireplace which becomes cold, but the whole house!

For more relationship advice and to rekindle or re-ignite your relationship, visit www.TheSinglesNetwork.com, the largest local dating network in the world.

About the author:
Tom Chapman, CEO, Net Content Creations, Inc.
Tom@TheSinglesNetwork.com

Title: Tips For A Happy Marriage

Author: Marlene Challis

Article:
In January 2006, I will have been married to my husband for 29years. We went out together for 2 years before that.

Marriage is a sacred vow to love your partner for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, till … well you know the rest. But for many people, the pressures, challenges, and monotony of married life has shrouded its wonderful positive aspects.

Great marriages don't just happen. You have to do something to make it last. Improve your marriage now. Remember that improvement is not a one-time event. It's a process, so better start now.

Being happy starts within you. If you can't be happy with yourself, then there's no chance that you'll be happy with someone else.

Be the best that you can be to your spouse.

The Qualities of a Successful Marriage

Love

Love is the most essential component in a relationship. It is the powerful force that binds two unique individuals together. A relationship will not start without love.

Support

Being a supportive spouse can be both a rewarding and a difficult role in a relationship. The most important aspect is being a loving presence always in your spouse's life. Being supportive means strengthening the partner. You bear the weight. It is quite a responsibility for any one to take on. The sense of responsibility grows deeper when your spouse faces certain problems.

To avoid conflict, respect your spouse's personal decisions. Show that you have faith in your mate. Be the shoulder to lean on. Work together to maintain balance in your life together. Don't be threatened by your spouse's accomplishments. Be proud of your spouse's achievements. If you want to help your spouse to recover from a difficult situation, don't try to solve it on your own.

Tolerance

The meanings of tolerance in the dictionary are:

1. The power or capacity of an organism to tolerate unfavorable environmental conditions.

2. A disposition to allow freedom of choice and behavior.

3. The act of tolerating something.

4. Willingness to recognize and respect the beliefs or practices of others.

5. A permissible difference; allowing freedom to move within limits.

The given meaning has only one denominator. Patience. Without it, the word tolerance is nothing.

Always remember that it pays to be patient. As the saying goes, patience is a virtue.

Communication

All arguments can be solved through proper communication. If your partner annoys you for things he or she has done consciously or unconsciously, approach your spouse. Talk to each other. Explain that you are offended by that act. Remember that he or she can't read minds. Don't try to keep it inside. It will corrupt you. The annoyance will grow in your heart.

Don't wait for it to burst one day. As early as possible discuss the problem with your spouse. If a certain thing bothers you, tell it straight to your spouse. It doesn't hurt to be straightforward. It is just a choice of words on how you will express yourself.

Realistic Expectations

Don't expect too much from your spouse. They are also humans bound to commit mistakes.

Caring

Show your spouse that you're concerned. During lunch, ask him or her if he or she has already eaten. Small simple things can mean a lot to them. Take time to notice your spouse. Say I love you everyday.

Nurturing

Grow with each other. Nurture intimacy. Live together and raise your children.

Sense of Humor

Laugh together. Have fun together. It is healthy to stretch out those lazy lips. Don't be too serious. Pressures of life? Don't let it weigh you down. Uplift your spirits high. Don't take things too seriously. Stop trying to be perfect because no person is. Always put on a happy face! Smile immensely. It can really change the way you and other people feel. Happiness is a choice, so don't choose to frown. A wrinkle on the face is ugly.

Smiling is considered as one of the fountains of youth. Smile wide. Make the world a brighter place to live in. Don't forget to laugh and joke around. Be kind and smile at everyone, especially your spouse. If tensions start to grow, smile at him or her.

Laugh out loud. It's the best medicine in town. Heal your body, mind and soul. Fill your life with laughter so that you won't have much room left for negative emotions.

Commitment

A happy couple in a happy marriage develops bonding rituals. These become the pillars that hold up the marriage. Show your
dedication every day.

Respect

Appreciate each other's eccentricities and differences, especially as woman and man. Learn to be happily different. Learn to give and take. Practice kindness and politeness with each other in at least 95 percent of your interactions.

Know how to handle conflict

Don't make things worse by not talking to each other. Look into your spouse's eye when asking him or her. Don't delay the conversation for quite a long time. This will only make the conflict worse.

Solve problems together

Resolve arguments rather than letting things fester. Speak up. It will not aggravate the situation.

Interdependence

Learn to reciprocate.

Enjoy one another

Focus on enjoying life. Live a carefree life. Think that your spouse is the one that really matters in this world. Do things together. Excite your relationship by finding new ways to enjoy each other.

Have fun together

Play in the rain together. Isn't it great to be a child once in a while? Run like a madman while you chase each other in the rain.

To learn more, you can visit: http://www.self-help-motivation-source.com/marriagesecrets.html

About the author:
Marlene Challis is founder and CEO of Mc Internet Marketing. She has several business branches and websites. She can be contacted through the website, www.self-help-motivation-source.com. Feel free to republish this article provided you do not edit it in
any way and include the author bio as well.