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Page 1 Thank you for visiting A-Better-Child.org. We need your opinion of our website. Send us an e-mail and let us know what you like or don't like about the site. Also, let us know if there is a topic you think we should discuss on the website. Our email address is info@a-better-child.org. Fathers, do you know your role in parenting?
Fathers, do you think you spend enough time with your family? Fathers , do your children and your wife look to you as the head of your family? Fathers, do you love your family enough to make them first in your life? Fathers, when is the last time you read with you child? Fathers, at the end of every day what have you taught your children? So, how did all of you fathers answer these questions?
Families are so busy and stressed today that each person ends up going their own way. Parents are busy running their children from one activity to another. Making sure a child has activities they enjoy is necessary. However, when does the family spend time together? Fathers, you are the head of your family and you may need to set boundaries for your family. This does not mean that you have the right to boss everyone around. Being the head of a family is about being a leader not a dictator. Children instinctly look to their father for direction and instruction, which sometimes means discipline. If a father is a good and just person and treats everyone with respect, then his children will learn more when he says you must show respect to each person you meet. Remember fathers, words without the deeds to back them up are empty words. It is a fact that when families spend time together the children will grow into better parents themselves. Does the following situation fit your family? This is a family of four. At the end of the work day one parent picks up supper at a fast food joint. When the parent gets home each person grabs their bag of food and their drink. Then it's off to their own area of the house. The children are in their rooms watching TV OR talking on their private phone line OR surfing the Internet. Mom is busy with bills OR washing dishes OR working on a project for her work. Dad is watching the news OR finishing a project for work OR maybe he went out to go bowling with the "GUYS". Then before you know it, it's bed time. Everyone goes to bed so they can wake up the next morning and begin the same cycle all over again. Is that not the saddest example of a family you have ever heard? No wonder children have emotional problems. Parents, especially the father, don't set boundaries and rules. Fathers, it is your responsibility to get your family together for dinner, for reading together, for just talking with each other. I hope you fathers love your children and your wife enough to sit down with your them and look through the websites and the information on this page. 10 Ways To Be A Better Dad
Respect Your Children's Mother: One of the best things a father can do for his children is to respect their mother. If you are married, keep your marriage strong and vital. If you're not married, it is still important to respect and support the mother of your children. A father and mother who respect each other, and let their children know it, provide a secure environment for them. When children see their parents respecting each other, they are more likely to feel that they are also accepted and respected.
Spend Time With Your Children: How a father spends his time tells his children what's important to him. If you always seem to busy for your children, they will feel neglected no matter what you say. Treasuring children often means sacrificing other things, but it is essential to spend time with your children. Kids grow up so quickly. Missed opportunities are forever lost. Earn The Right To Be Heard: All too often the only time a father speaks to his children is when they have done something wrong. That's why so many children cringe when their mother says, "Your father wants to talk with you." Begin talking with your kids when they are very young so that difficult subjects will be easier to handle as they get older. Take time and listen to their ideas and problems. Discipline With Love: All children need guidance and discipline, not as punishment, but to set reasonable limits. Remind your children of the consequences of their actions and provide meaningful rewards for desirable behavior. Fathers who discipline in a calm and fair manner show love for their children. Be A Role Model: Fathers are role models to their kids whether they realize it or not. A girl who spends time with a loving father grows up knowing she deserves to be treated with respect by boys, and what to look for in a husband. Fathers can teach sons what is important in life by demonstrating honesty, humility and responsibility. "All the world's a stage..." and a father plays one of the most vital roles. Be A Teacher: Too many fathers think teaching is something others do. But a father who teaches his children about right and wrong, and encourages them to do their best, will see his children make good choices. Involved fathers use everyday examples to help their children learn the basic lessons of life. Eat Together As A Family: Sharing a meal together (breakfast, lunch or dinner) can be an important part of healthy family life. In addition to providing some structure in a busy day, it gives kids the chance to talk about what they are doing and want to do. It is also a good time for fathers to listen and give advice. Most importantly, it is a time for families to be together each day. Read To Your Children: In a world where television often dominates the lives of children, it is important that fathers make the effort to read to their children. Children learn best by doing and reading, as well as seeing and hearing. Begin reading to your children when they are very young. When they are older encourage them to read on their own. Instilling your children with a love for reading is one of the best ways to ensure they will have a lifetime of personal and career growth. Show Affection: Children need the security that comes from knowing they are wanted, accepted and loved by their family. Parents, especially fathers, need to feel both comfortable and willing to hug their children. Showing affection everyday is the best way to let your children know that you love them. Realize That A Father's Job Is Never Done: Even after children are grown and ready to leave home, they will still look to their fathers for wisdom and advice. Whether it's continued schooling, a new job or a wedding, fathers continue to play an essential part in the lives of their children as they grow and, perhaps, marry and build their own families. The information above was borrowed from: http://www.childcareaware.org/en/resources/fatherhood.php The article below comes from a website that offers information on a wide variety of subjects. This information may help you dads understand your role in the family. Your kids need for you to be their leader. Your wife needs for you to have a large and healthy hand in teaching and nurturing your children. I hope you will go to this website and read all of the wonderful things you can learn about being a great father, husband and FAMILY man.
Intentional Parenting: Do You Know What Hangs in The Balance?
From Mark Jordan Take the Time to Understand
Have you ever considered what it means to be an intentional parent? Have you thought about what hangs in the balance? Fourteen years of parenting, reading countless books and listening to the sage of advice of many who walked the parenting path before me has taught me much. Ironically, what stands out the most is how much there is left to learn about being an effective parent and how often I still miss the mark. Hitting the mark is tough even in the best of circumstances; with work, after-school activities, help with homework and other personal demands the bulls eye looks awfully small and so far away. Maybe you can relate. One thing is clear to me effective parenting is not something that easily comes. It takes great effort and it takes intentionality. The effort part is for another discussion, but what about intentionality?
An intentional parent is not a perfect parent; rather, it is a parent who has "mentally determined upon some action or result related to parenting." The key is "mentally determined" since every good habit starts with a mental decision. I don't know about you, but I can't think of a single good habit I have that just happened. An intentional parent is an "on purpose" parent. As parents, our greatest tendency is to react to our children rather than plan in advance. To complicate it even further, we acknowledge this tendency yet do little about it. What does this say about us as parents? The question we need to grapple with is why do we tend to continue down the same unintentional path? There are at least three practical reasons I have identified in my own life that make it difficult for me to be an intentional parent: vision, know-how and accountability. See if you can identify with any of them. Our biggest obstacle starts in the mind - we simply don't take the time to contemplate what hangs in the balance. To state it another way, we really have not taken the time to understand and embrace what is gained and what is lost by investing in our children as intentional parents. Most of us would agree, upon reflection, more is to be gained by taking an intentional approach to parenting our children. So, action step number one for becoming an intentional parent is to imagine what you want your relationship to be like with your child and what his or her relationships will be like with others once your child has reached adulthood. Add to that the legacy you want to leave and you start to catch a glimpse of what hangs in the balance. I imagine my children growing up one day and investing their lives in their own family and those around them. Can that happen if I never invest time with them? Of course, but chances are they will be more apt to do it and more effective at it if I invest in them as young children. When Emily, our now 11 year old, was younger and wanted to play Old Maid when the football game was on, my first thought was not during the game. As I look back now, I can say some of my funniest and fondest memories were playing a simple card game like Old Maid with our girls. It is amazing what you can teach a child about life during a basic game of Old Maid. Make the Effort to Plan and Implement
Our next challenge is lack of know-how. We have very little idea of what an intentional parent looks or acts like. In short, we are missing a plan. It is a bit like driving in a foreign country without a map or directions of any sort. You may eventually reach the destination but the frustration and loss of time makes the journey miserable and it is rarely worth the price. The solution is easy but it takes time. Research, read, utilize resources like Focus on the Family and survey your friends, especially those with grown children. One good resource can launch your journey to becoming an intentional parent. For me, it was a book by Tim Kimmel entitled Legacy of Love.
Being an intentional parent requires changing your strategy and approach as your child changes. If you are like I was early in my parenting I wanted to discover the know-how or program that worked, implement it and expect everything to fall neatly into place. I soon discovered the "neatly into place" part was a hurdle. I remember one particular airplane ride before we had our first daughter, Nicole. I was stuck next to a screaming child; you know, the one who never stops screaming the entire flight. I still hear myself saying, "I can't believe they are not able to control their child. My child will never act like that in public." Famous last words, right? Fast forward to my first airplane ride with Nicole when she was about six months old. It was a piece of cake - not a peep out of her the entire time. Everyone was so complimentary and a proud Dad I was. I had the program figured out or so I thought until my second airplane ride with Nicole near her one year birthday. To say it was miserable and embarrassing would be an understatement. From the time the plane took off she started screaming and I was reduced to a helpless Dad - duped by a one year old. Some program on "how you should act in public" I had! My child had changed - it was time for a new strategy. Once you have your vision and plan in place you are faced with implementation. Every parent understands the daily challenges of raising a child as life speeds by us like a NASCAR race. In my own life it is here in the daily battle that I have discovered the importance of accountability. My wife is the best intentional parent I know. She made a decision early in the lives of our children to empower her friends to hold her accountable in her role as an intentional mother. As a result, when inertia begins to pull her away from intentional parenting her friends remind her of the vision, the plan and of what hangs in the balance. This accountability enables her to course correct and to escape falling "out of the habit" of intentional parenting. Who have you allowed into the center of your life to ask you the difficult questions and to challenge you to be an intentional parent? Having a vision with know- how and even accountability means nothing unless and until we act. Actions require energy and time which, for busy people, always feels in short supply. If you are like me, fear and self- centeredness are oftentimes a big hindrance to being an intentional parent. A sense of scarcity and the lack of understanding of the consequences of inaction allow fear and self-centeredness to rule and block our otherwise good intentions. What will I need to give up in the way of time and energy to deliver in this area of my life? What will it cost me personally? It takes courage to be an intentional parent. So, what do you think - is it worth your child's future and your legacy to become an intentional parent? Will you muster the courage it takes to impact a life? Mark Jordan is the author of several books including his most recent children's book Courage The Monkey. Jordan brings a unique writing style to his books for children. In drawing from his personal experiences as the father of two daughters, he strives to impact children's lives with inspirational stories. He holds an MBA from Baylor University and a BSBA from the University of Arkansas. He resides in Atlanta, Georgia with his wife, Michelle, and two daughters, Nicole and Emily. The information above was borrowed from: Fatherhood.about.com Please visit the following websites for more information the Fathers' Role in Parenting.
Fathering Magazine | Fatherhood | Fathers | Dads | Family
Father courage: what happens when men put family first · Fatherneed: why father care is as ... New Wave pro- family advocates leave fathers out of family ... http://www.fathermag.com/ Research overview: The centrality of fathers' involvement Fireworks Splice HTML. . .. Fathers urged to find time for bedtime stories (20.03.06); Fathers' clubs are helping dad's get involved (2.12.05) ... http://www.literacytrust.org.uk/Research/fathersinvolve.html fathers.com ~ We're here for dads! Because of the trend toward fatherlessness in America, the Center was founded in 1990 by Dr. Ken Canfield to conduct research on fathers and fathering and ... http://www.fathers.com/ christian fathers, fathering from a Christian perspective become a great father, written from a christian perspective. http://www.christianfathers.com/ MrDad.com - Ask Mr. Dad: What Does it Mean to be a Father? Find more topics like this in the book:. Throwaway Dads: The Myths and Barriers That Keep Men from Being the Fathers They Want to Be by Armin Brott ... http://www.mrdad.com/qa/life/defining-daddy.html Why A Father is Not A Dad - Parenting Articles As a child of a broken home and now as a father myself, I know the purest definition of being a dad is the time spent with your child that will always ... http://www.searcharticles.net/article.cfm/id/8451 National Fatherhood Initiative ::: Dads Club The National Fatherhood Initiative is a non-profit, non-partisan organization that aims to improve the well-being of children through the promotion of ... http://www.fatherhood.org/dadsclub.asp Never Been Trained!: Lee Jackson shares honestly about being a Dad ... Lee Jackson shares honestly about being a Dad. Lee Jackson. Lee Jackson. It's Father's Day when I'm writing this chapter, and I've sneaked up to my office ... http://www.crossrhythms.co.uk/articles/life/Never_Been_trained/18851/p1/ Technical Assistance Manual for Evaluating the 24/7 Dad AM and PM ... It is important not to lose yourself in being a father. (8) Nurturing oneself is an important aspect of nurturing children. (9) Change is evolutionary; ... http://www.fatherhood.org/doclibrary/TAManualWeb.pdf Putting Families First: Tip sheets: General family: Being a dad Future Directions · Graduate opportunities · Policies and procedures ... Single fathers can give children a feeling of being safe and secure by the way they ... http://www.communities.qld.gov.au/family/familiesfirst/tipsheets/tipsheet_beingadad.html Dad Directions (Article) Many fathers even end up being the prime caregiver. ... "You can't get guys to pull over and ask directions," David Hirsch of the Illinois Fatherhood ... http://www.slowlane.com/articles/media/dad_directions.html Dad's Den Articles ranging from the bond between dad and child, character formation, and making the home bright and cheerful. Discussion forums. Email newsletter. http://www.dadsden.net Daddee.com Aims to build community for fathers online to network, share experiences and learn from one another. http://daddee.com Dads Can Promotes responsible and involved fathering by supporting men's personal development into fatherhood and healthy fathering patterns in our society. http://www.dadscan.org/ Teenagers and Their Fathers Helping teens succeed in life is a major undertaking, particularly when influences other than parents start taking a front seat for a teenager. http://fatherhood.about.com/od/dadsandteens/ Parenting Teens Time to Connect with Your Teens ~ The importance of an involved father. Tips on Nonviolent Parenting · Tough Times Call for Strong Parents ... http://www.focusas.com/Parenting.html Father work Fathering Teenagers. FatherWork can be especially challenging when it involves teenage children who are stretching their wings towards greater independence. ... http://www.fatherwork.byu.edu/metaphors.htm Parenting Teens - Fathering Teens - Communicating with Teens ... Parenting Teens, Fathering Teens, Communicating with Teens, Better Parenting. http://www.naturalfamilyonline.com/5-bc/55-teen-communication.htm christian fathers, fathering from a Christian perspective fathering from a christian perspective - christian fathers ... Internet usage is increasing daily. As we become more Train Your Teens in Love ... http://www.christianfathers.com/ Fatherless Statistics
The National Center For Fathering Statistics Available on their website. ..http://www.Fathers.com The direct link to the following statistics were sourced at the following url....
Source: http://www.fathers.com/research/ According to 72.2 % of the U.S. population, fatherlessness is the most significant family or social problem facing America. --Source: National Center for Fathering, Fathering in America Poll, January, 1999.
An estimated 24.7 million children (36.3%) live absent their biological father. -- Source: National Fatherhood Initiative, Father Facts, (3rd Edition): 5. Children who were part of the "post war generation" could expect to grow up with two biological parents who were married to each other. Eighty percent did. Today, only about 50% of children will spend their entire childhood in an intact family. --Source: David Poponoe, American Family Decline, 1960-1990: A Review and Appraisal Journal of Marriage and Family 55 (August 1993). With the increasing number of premarital births and a continuing high divorce rate, the proportion of children living with just one parent rose from 9 percent in 1960 to 28 percent in 1996. Currently, 57.7 percent of all black children, 31.8 percent of all Hispanic children, and 20.9 percent of all white children are living in single-parent homes. --Source: Saluter, Arlen F. Marital Status and Living Arrangements: March 1994., US Bureau of the Census, Current Population Report. p28-484. Washington, DC: GPO, 1996. US Bureau of the Census. Statistical Abstract of the United States 1997, Washington, DC: GPO, 1997. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services states, "Fatherless children are at a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse" --Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. National Center for Health Statistics. Survey on Child Health. Washington, DC, 1993. Children growing up in single-parent households are at a significantly increased risk for drug abuse as teenagers. -- Source: Denton, Rhonda E. and Charlene M. Kampfe. "The relationship Between Family Variables and Adolescent Substance Abuse: A literature Review." Adolescence 114 (1994): 475-495. Children in single-parent families are two to three times as likely as children in two-parent families to have emotional and behavioral problems. --Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. National Center for Health Statistics."National Health Interview Survey." Hyattsville, MD, 1988. Three out of four teenage suicides occur in households where a parent has been absent. --Source: Elshtain, Jean Bethke. "Family Matters: The Plight of America's Children." The Christian Century (July 1993): 14-21. In studies involving over 25,000 children using nationally representative data sets, children who lived with only one parent had lower grade point averages, lower college aspirations, poor attendance records, and higher drop out rates than students who lived with both parents. --Source: McLanahan, Sara and Gary Sandefur. Growing up with a Single Parent: What Hurts, What Helps. Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1994. Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school. --Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. National Center for Health Statistics. Survey on Child Health. Washington, DC; GPO, 1993. School children from divorced families are absent more, and more anxious, hostile, and withdrawn, and are less popular with their peers than those from intact families. --Source: One- Parent Families and Their Children: The School's Most Significant Minority. The Consortium for the Study of School Needs of Children from One-Parent Families. National Association of elementary School Principals and the Institute for Development of Educational Activities, a division of the Charles f. Kettering Foundation. Arlington, VA 1980. Children in single parent families are more likely to be in trouble with the law than their peers who grow up with two parents. -- Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. National Center for Health Statistics. National Health Interview Survey. Hyattsville, MD, 1988. Adolescent females between the ages of 15 and 19 years reared in homes without fathers are significantly more likely to engage in premarital sex than adolescent females reared in homes with both a mother and a father. --Source: Billy, John O. G., Karin L. Brewster and William R. Grady. "Contextual Effects on the Sexual Behavior of Adolescent Women." Journal of Marriage and Family 56(1994): 381-404. A white teenage girl from an advantaged background is five times more likely to become a teen mother if she grows up in a single- mother household than if she grows up in a household with both biological parents. --Source: Whitehead, Barbara Dafoe. "Facing the Challenges of Fragmented Families." The Philanthropy Roundtable 9.1 (1995): 21. Americans unresolved father problems. Over half of Americans agree that most people have unresolved problems with their fathers. Cumulatively, 55.6% agreed with this statement, up from 54.1% in our 1996 poll. More non-whites (70.4%) than whites (56.3%) were in agreement. Interestingly, the generation who has experienced more father absence, 18- to 24-year- olds, displayed the highest level of agreement (67.2%). Income was also a differentiating factor: of the respondents making $25,000 or less, 70.1% agreed, compared to only 48.0% among those who make more than $50,000. Source National Center For Fathering 1996 Source: http://www.fathers.com/research/
Books on Fathers and their role in parenting
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