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So, how long have the two of you been married? For those of you who can't remember the exact number of years, SHAME ON YOU. Sometimes it doesn't matter the number of years as much as when did the romance begin to fall off.
Romance doesn't mean SEX, as much as it means the little extra ordinary things you do for each other. For instance, when was the last time you took a small note pad and wrote these words:
"I love you more today than yesterday, and yesterday more than the day before.
And here's to loving you even more with each new day to come.
Thank you for all those little things you do that make my heart love you more".
If you haven't done these types of things on a continual basis throught out your marriage, then you are in big trouble.
Listed below are some insights written by others. Any time I use the thoughts of others, proper credit to those writters will be given. I will be doing this through out this website.
* NOTE: Some of the information was not credited to anyone in the original as to the source or author of the information.
Listed below are websites and resources to help you improve, or even bring back the romance in your marriage.
Marriage Prayer
Lord, help us to remember
when we first met and the
strong love that grew
between us.
To work that love into
practical things so that
nothing can divide us.
We ask for words both kind
and loving and hearts
always ready to ask
forgiveness as well as to
forgive.
Dear Lord, we put our
marriage into your hands.
Amen.
Author Unknown
Romancing Your Wife
by Dave Klassen, with Glen Hoos
Guys, let's face it. Some of us have a long way to go in the romance department. We know our wife wants it, we know we're supposed to do it, but it just doesn't come naturally to us.
When we first begin to court a woman, our step is lighter and our inner Romeo is unleashed. Driven to win her heart, romantic creativity seems to flow easily. Every day is a new surprise: flowers, candies, love notes and dates. However, when "I want to marry this woman" turns into "We're married for life," we often settle into a nice, comfortable rut. The stretches between our romantic efforts grow longer and longer, until we rely on Hallmark's annual reminder that it's Valentine's Day.
I remember the night I realized that I had been dropping the romance ball. It was almost midnight, and my wife suddenly remembered she'd forgotten to buy some string licorice, which she needed the next morning for Sunday school. She asked me if I'd go out to the store to get some for her. So I dutifully headed off to our local Mac's store. Unfortunately, they didn't have what I was looking for, so I drove home preparing to tell her that she was going to have to think of something else to use.
Then it struck me, like a lightning bolt out of the clear blue sky. When we were first dating, I wouldn't have given up so easily. When my damsel was in distress, I alone stood to save her! Back then I would have stayed up all night if necessary, checking every store in town for string licorice!
In a moment of romantic bliss I turned the car around and headed for another store, then another, and another. I was love-struck once again. Thankfully it didn't take me all night - just 45 minutes. It was a small price to pay to show my wife that she was loved.
And that's what romance is really all about. When men think of romance, we often connect it to the desired end result - sex. It could be because we're often told, "If you would only romance me more ..." Nevertheless, end result shouldnt be our focus. Romance is often little more than making my wife smile.
We also mistakenly think that romance always requires a five-star production. We picture hours of elaborate and expensive preparations for an event that she will never forget. But sometimes simple is better than complex, and the element of surprise can be our greatest ally. Our wives want to feel cherished for who they are and thought of when they feel they've been forgotten. They want to be noticed, pampered, listened to and, more than anything, fed mounds of luscious chocolate. Actually, what they really want is just to be shown a little appreciation.
Maybe you want to romance your wife, but your stockpile of ideas is running low. If you're looking for something other than dinner and a movie, here are a few ideas to get you started.
1. Flower Power - Now, you may be thinking, "Flowers? I thought you said this was going to be creative!" Well, hold on there. You may have done the flower thing before, but an old idea can be given new life. The next time you buy your wife flowers, think outside the box. Most florists sell small glass vases for one or two dollars. Buy a dozen or so roses, and the same number of vases. Put one rose in each vase, and hide them all over the house - in the kitchen, the laundry room, the bathroom, the closet, the bedroom. Then attach a pink paper heart to each one, telling her something you appreciate about her - something like, "I really appreciate the way you do my laundry every week." Put a note on the front door saying, "You are now entering the Romance Zone - Heart Hats required!" Then get out of the house and allow her to discover it on her own!
2. Quotes for Your Queen - A picture may be worth a thousand words, but a thousand words can paint quite a picture! Enter "love quotes" or "romance quotes" into an Internet search engine. Print out the best thoughts of romantics down through the ages, and cut them out individually. Then tape them all over the house for your beloved to find (this idea will also go over big with your daughters). Sometimes, the best way to express our heart is by borrowing somebody else's words. On the other hand-
3. Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue - Why not try to write your own poetic masterpiece? Now wait, before you laugh, realize that your poetry does not have to compare favourably to Ralph Waldo Emerson for you to be able to do this. Remember that whole, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" thing. What you think is the world's worst poem could have your wife praising you as a literary genius, simply because you cared enough to express your love in this way. So dust off your quill pen and start writing!
4. A Song in Your Heart - If you're anything like me, you may have a lot of singing in you but it just doesn't seem to come out very well. Find one of those instant recording studios at the mall and record her favourite song. Gather some of your buddies together, call yourselves the Love Connection or some other romantic name, and sing the song. Alternatively, buy an album with your old dating music on it and play it before you take her out for dinner, or end the night with a dance in the middle of your ballroom (I mean, living room).
5. Why Reinvent the Wheel? - Leave a message on the answering machine, "I just called to tell you I appreciate you and wanted to say I love you." Send her an e-mail message, referring her to a web site that has a poem or love song you like. Or how about digging out one of those old love letters you wrote her and resending it via the mail, with a "P.S. I still feel this way" added at the bottom.
6. The Perfect Picnic - One day at lunch, pick up her favourite food: Chinese take-out, pizza, sushi, an all desert buffet - whatever she likes. Bring it home and slip it into a picnic basket. Lay out a blanket on your living room floor, maybe even in front of a crackling fire, and enjoy a romantic meal for two.
7. Heart Attack - About a week ahead of time, send her an e-mail that says, "Beware : the King of Hearts is going to strike." Buy a huge bag of red cinnamon hearts, chocolate hearts, plastic hearts or paper hearts - as many different types as you can find. Hide them everywhere you can think of: in her drawers, her purse, her cupboards and her pockets. When she opens her wallet at the grocery store, hearts fall out. When she lowers the sun visor in her car, hearts rain down on her. The more bothersome the better (without seriously inconveniencing her, of course)! Actually, inconvenience may be a good thing!
8. All- Inclusive Dinners - If you want to give your wife a fabulous evening out, but you feel overwhelmed by planning all the details, consider an all-inclusive dinner offered by many hotels and restaurants ( especially around Valentine's Day). You pay one price, covering dinner, wine, dessert, and a pair of tickets to the theatre or a sporting event (note: if you're trying to make your wife smile, only take her to a sporting event if she actually likes sports!). This is an easy way to plan an elaborate, memorable evening together.
As I have done the unexpected things I wouldn't normally do to express my feelings to my wife, I've discovered how much fun it actually is to surprise someone. Even more importantly, as I have set up some of these things, I have been reminded how much I still love my wife. Above all, remember that romance is spelled E-F-F-O-R-T. It is fun, but it is also work. Take the time to study your wife; get a masters degree in pleasing her. Learn what it is that sets her heart fluttering, and then get to it!
~ Dave Klassen is the National Pro Ministry Director for Athletes in Action and the Chaplain for the BC Lions. He romances his wife Rushia in their hometown of Abbotsford, BC. Dave and Rushia are regular speakers at FamilyLife marriage conferences.
How to Make Your Husband Happy
by Rose Alexander
Ever wonder what it takes to make your husband happy? Scripture offers terrific insights to help wives please their spouses. From Genesis comes the teaching that women were created for the honorable role of helpers (Genesis 2:18). At the other end of the Bible is the admonition for wives to display "purity and reverence" as the most exquisite beauty (1 Peter 3:1-6). And almost squarely in the middle of the Bible is Proverbs 31, the definition of the wife of noble character.
A key verse in the Proverbs 31 passage of Scripture says, " Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value" (Proverbs 31:11).
What does that mean for marriages today? "Full confidence" means complete trust. According to several Christian leaders and psychologists, here are five important ways in which women can gain their husbands' trust:
1. Sex. A husband can trust that his wife won't go out with another man, flirt, or neglect his sexual needs. He will gain the value of rejoicing in his God-given manhood, exulting in his wife's singular desire for him. Many marriage books point out that sex is often a man's primary marital need. When a wife is trustworthy in honoring, protecting, and enjoying her mate in this key area, she can bring great happiness to their union.
2. Finances. He can trust that his wife won't nag him to buy a bigger house or a newer car, and that she will show Godly stewardship in managing household income. Secure financial footing keeps a man healthy in both body and soul. Research shows that men are more likely than women to become depressed about financial pressures like losing a job or increased expenditure. Wives who work with their husbands to maintain financial integrity help soothe their husbands' worries.
3. Emotions. He can trust that his wife will maintain self-control when they disagree without making unrealistic demands on his talents or his time. Emotional instability impacts everyone in the family. A recent book title reminds us that "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." A woman who maintains self-control and balanced emotions helps to create a calm home environment. Husbands love the secure demeanor of a confident woman who's in charge of a loving, controlled household.
4. Children. He can trust that his wife will raise their children by Biblical standards and set a good example. Obedient children reflect a Godly heritage. Some men have been known to divorce their wives from embarrassment caused by undisciplined or coddled children. While such divorces are wrong, they point out the distasteful effects of unruly children on the marriage relationship.
5. Home. He can trust that his wife will share his domestic goals and values, and work with him to keep their home neat and clean. Men enjoy a peaceful and attractive home setting. A romantic bedroom is an added plus. If a man can trust his wife to help keep their home tidy and orderly, he will enjoy coming (and staying) home with her.
Many wives make these areas a priority in their families. Take comfort in knowing that when your husband trusts you in these areas of your life together, you are giving him the gift of happiness.
~ Rose Alexander teaches college literature and writing. She helps to coordinate women's ministries at Mogadore Baptist Church in Mogadore, Ohio and provides communications consulting to local businessnes. Rose has just published her first book, Shakespeare's World (Prentice Hall, 2004).
The websites listed below may be helpful for those who are looking for ways to bring back the romance in their marriage. These are only a few of the websites we found. If you want to see more of the websites we used the search words, keeping your romance alive.
http://www.geocities.com/Axiom43/romance.htmlKeep your romance alive, kids and all ! Love and Sex: Marriage ...Keep your romance alive, kids and all! Love and Sex: Marriage: Marriage with Kids: Romance and pitt er patter: A successful mix and more.
http://www.sheknows.com/about/look/1889.htmKeeping Romance AliveThe surprising truth of the matter, however, is that it's easy to keep the romance in your relationship, and in your life alive . ...
http://www.celebratelove.com/romancealive.htmSecrets To Keeping The Romance Alive In Your RelationshipsSome believe that romance should just come naturally, and if it doesn't, or if closeness starts to subside, it means that something is wrong.
http://www.topsynergy.com/relationships_articles/0001.aspKeeping Romance in Your MarriageAccording to the book Love Is a Decision, by Gary Smalley and John Trent, Romance is the act of keeping your courtship alive long after the wedding day. ...
http://www.familyfirst.net/marriage/romance.aspHow do you keep romance alive?Is romance just a fond memory, or have you f ound ways to keep it a live? (Choose the response that best matches you and your mate's current love habits.) ...
http://www.parentcenter.babycenter.com/newpoll/preschooler/ptraditions/76073.htmlRomantic Tips - Keeping Romance AliveThis is one of the most romantic things that you can do for your partner. Examples: ... "Romantic Tips - Keeping Romance Alive." EzineArticles 04 May 2005. ...
http://www.ezinearticles.com/?Romantic-Tips---Keeping-Romance-Alive&id=33003Keep Your Love and Romance AliveOut of The Box Ways to Keep Your Love and Romance Alive.
http://www.honeymoon-forever.com/love.htmlHow to Make Your Husband Happy5 ways in which wives can gain their husbands' trust.