Fathers, do you
know your role in parenting?
Fathers, do you
think you spend enough time
with your family?
Fathers
, do your children
and your wife look to you as
the head of your family?
Fathers, do you
love your family enough to
make them first in your life?
Fathers, when
is the last time you read
with you child?
Fathers, at the
end of every day what have
you taught your children?
So, how did all of you
fathers answer these
questions?
Families are so busy and
stressed today that each
person ends up going their
own way. Parents are busy
running their children from
one activity to another.
Making sure a child has
activities they enjoy is
necessary. However, when does
the family spend time
together?
Fathers, you are the head of
your family and you may need
to set boundaries for your
family. This does not mean
that you have the right to
boss everyone around. Being
the head of a family is about
being a leader not a
dictator. Children instinctly
look to their father for
direction and instruction,
which sometimes means
discipline. If a father is
a good and just person and
treats everyone with respect,
then his children will learn
more when he says you must
show respect to each person
you meet. Remember fathers,
words without the deeds to back
them up are empty words.
It is a fact that when
families spend time together
the children will grow into
better parents themselves.
Does the
following situation fit your
family?
This is a family of four. At
the end of the work day one
parent picks up supper at a
fast food joint. When the
parent gets home each person
grabs their bag of food and
their drink. Then it's off
to their own area of the
house.
The children are in their
rooms watching TV OR
talking on their private
phone line OR surfing
the Internet.
Mom is busy with bills
OR washing dishes OR
working on a project
for her work.
Dad is watching the news
OR finishing a project
for work OR maybe he
went out to go bowling with
the "GUYS".
Then before you know it, it's
bed time. Everyone goes to
bed so they can wake up the
next morning and begin the
same cycle all over again.
Is that not the saddest
example of a family you have
ever heard? No wonder
children have emotional
problems. Parents, especially
the father, don't set
boundaries and rules. Fathers,
it is your responsibility to
get your family together for
dinner, for reading together,
for just talking with each
other.
I hope you fathers love your
children and your wife enough
to sit down with your them
and look through the websites
and the information on this
page.
10
Ways To Be A Better Dad
Respect Your Children's
Mother: One of the best
things a father can do for
his children is to respect
their mother. If you are
married, keep your marriage
strong and vital. If you're
not married, it is still
important to respect and
support the mother of your
children. A father and mother
who respect each other, and
let their children know it,
provide a secure environment
for them. When children see
their parents respecting each
other, they are more likely
to feel that they are also
accepted and respected.
Spend Time With Your
Children: How a father
spends his time tells his
children what's important
to him. If you always seem
to busy for your children,
they will feel neglected
no matter what you say.
Treasuring children often
means sacrificing other
things, but it is essential
to spend time with your
children. Kids grow up so
quickly. Missed opportunities
are forever lost.
Earn The Right To Be
Heard: All too often
the only time a father
speaks to his children is
when they have done something
wrong. That's why so many
children cringe when their
mother says, "Your father
wants to talk with you."
Begin talking with your kids
when they are very young
so that difficult subjects
will be easier to handle
as they get older. Take
time and listen to their
ideas and problems.
Discipline With Love:
All children need guidance
and discipline, not as
punishment, but to set
reasonable limits. Remind
your children of the
consequences of their actions
and provide meaningful
rewards for desirable
behavior. Fathers who
discipline in a calm and
fair manner show love for
their children.
Be A Role Model:
Fathers are role models to
their kids whether they
realize it or not. A girl
who spends time with a loving
father grows up knowing she
deserves to be treated with
respect by boys, and what
to look for in a husband.
Fathers can teach sons
what is important in life
by demonstrating honesty,
humility and responsibility.
"All the world's a stage..."
and a father plays one of
the most vital roles.
Be A Teacher: Too many
fathers think teaching is
something others do. But a
father who teaches his children
about right and wrong, and
encourages them to do their
best, will see his children
make good choices. Involved
fathers use everyday examples
to help their children learn
the basic lessons of life.
Eat Together As A Family:
Sharing a meal together
(breakfast, lunch or dinner)
can be an important part of
healthy family life. In
addition to providing some
structure in a busy day,
it gives kids the chance to
talk about what they are
doing and want to do. It is
also a good time for fathers
to listen and give advice.
Most importantly, it is a
time for families to be
together each day.
Read To Your Children:
In a world where
television often dominates
the lives of children, it
is important that fathers
make the effort to read to
their children. Children learn
best by doing and reading,
as well as seeing and hearing.
Begin reading to your
children when they are very
young. When they are older
encourage them to read on
their own. Instilling your
children with a love for
reading is one of the best
ways to ensure they will
have a lifetime of personal
and career growth.
Show Affection:
Children need the security
that comes from knowing
they are wanted, accepted
and loved by their family.
Parents, especially fathers,
need to feel both
comfortable and willing to
hug their children. Showing
affection everyday is the
best way to let your
children know that you love
them.
Realize That A Father's
Job Is Never Done: Even
after children are grown and
ready to leave home, they
will still look to their
fathers for wisdom and advice.
Whether it's continued
schooling, a new job or a
wedding, fathers continue
to play an essential part
in the lives of their
children as they grow
and, perhaps, marry and
build their own families.
The information above was
borrowed from:
http://www.childcareaware.
org/en/resources/fatherhood.
php
The article below
comes from a website that
offers information on a
wide variety of subjects.
This information may help
you dads understand your
role in the family. Your
kids need for you to be
their leader. Your wife
needs for you to have a
large and healthy hand in
teaching and nurturing your
children. I hope you will
go to this website and read
all of the wonderful
things you can learn about
being a great father,
husband and FAMILY
man.
Intentional Parenting: Do
You Know What Hangs in The
Balance?
From Mark Jordan
Take the Time to
Understand
Have you ever considered
what it means to be an
intentional parent? Have
you thought about what hangs
in the balance? Fourteen
years of parenting, reading
countless books and
listening to the sage of
advice of many who walked
the parenting path before
me has taught me much.
Ironically, what stands
out the most is how much
there is left to learn
about being an effective
parent and how often I
still miss the mark.
Hitting the mark is
tough even in the best
of circumstances; with
work, after-school
activities, help with
homework and other personal
demands the bulls eye looks
awfully small and so far away.
Maybe you can relate. One
thing is clear to me —
effective parenting is not
something that easily comes.
It takes great effort and
it takes intentionality. The
effort part is for another
discussion, but what about
intentionality?
An intentional parent is
not a perfect parent; rather,
it is a parent who has
“mentally determined upon
some action or result
related to parenting.”
The key is “mentally determined”
since every good habit starts
with a mental decision.
I don't know about you, but
I can't think of a single
good habit I have that just
happened. An intentional
parent is an “on purpose”
parent.
As parents, our greatest
tendency is to react to our
children rather than plan
in advance. To complicate
it even further, we
acknowledge this tendency
yet do little about it.
What does this say about
us as parents? The question
we need to grapple with is
why do we tend to continue
down the same unintentional
path? There are at least
three practical reasons I
have identified in my own
life that make it difficult
for me to be an intentional
parent: vision, know-how and
accountability. See if you
can identify with any of
them.
Our biggest obstacle starts
in the mind — we simply
don't take the time to
contemplate what hangs in
the balance. To state it
another way, we really
have not taken the time to
understand and embrace
what is gained and what is
lost by investing in our
children as intentional
parents. Most of us would
agree, upon reflection, more
is to be gained by taking
an intentional approach to
parenting our children. So,
action step number one for
becoming an intentional
parent is to imagine what
you want your relationship
to be like with your child
and what his or her
relationships will be like
with others once your child
has reached adulthood. Add
to that the legacy you
want to leave and you start
to catch a glimpse of what
hangs in the balance.
I imagine my children
growing up one day and
investing their lives in
their own family and those
around them. Can that
happen if I never invest
time with them? Of course,
but chances are they will
be more apt to do it and
more effective at it if I
invest in them as young
children. When Emily, our
now 11 year old, was younger
and wanted to play Old Maid
when the football game was
on, my first thought was not
during the game.” As I look
back now, I can say some of
my funniest and fondest
memories were playing a simple
card game like Old Maid with
our girls. It is amazing
what you can teach a child
about life during a basic
game of Old Maid.
Make the Effort to
Plan and Implement
Our next challenge is
lack of know-how. We have
very little idea of what
an intentional parent looks
or acts like. In short,
we are missing a plan. It
is a bit like driving in
a foreign country without
a map or directions of
any sort. You may eventually
reach the destination but
the frustration and loss of
time makes the journey
miserable and it is rarely
worth the price. The
solution is easy but it takes
time. Research, read,
utilize resources like Focus
on the Family and survey
your friends, especially
those with grown children.
One good resource can launch
your journey to becoming an
intentional parent. For me,
it was a book by Tim Kimmel
entitled Legacy of Love.
Being an intentional parent
requires changing your
strategy and approach as
your child changes. If you
are like I was early in my
parenting I wanted to
discover the know-how or
“program” that worked,
implement it and expect
everything to fall neatly
into place. I soon discovered
the “neatly into place”
part was a hurdle. I
remember one particular
airplane ride before we
had our first daughter,
Nicole. I was stuck next
to a screaming child; you
know, the one who never
stops screaming the entire
flight. I still hear
myself saying, “I can’t
believe they are not able
to control their child.
My child will never act
like that in public.”
Famous last words, right?
Fast forward to my first
airplane ride with Nicole
when she was about six
months old. It was a piece
of cake — not a peep out
of her the entire time.
Everyone was so
complimentary and a proud
Dad I was. I had the program
figured out or so I thought
until my second airplane ride
with Nicole near her one
year birthday. To say it
was miserable and embarrassing
would be an understatement.
From the time the plane
took off she started screaming
and I was reduced to a
helpless Dad — duped by a
one year old. Some program
on “how you should act in
public” I had! My child had
changed — it was time for
a new strategy.
Once you have your vision
and plan in place you are
faced with implementation.
Every parent understands
the daily challenges of
raising a child as life
speeds by us like a NASCAR
race. In my own life it
is here in the daily battle
that I have discovered the
importance of accountability.
My wife is the best
intentional parent I know.
She made a decision early
in the lives of our children
to empower her friends to
hold her accountable in her
role as an intentional
mother. As a result, when
inertia begins to pull her
away from intentional
parenting her friends remind
her of the vision, the
plan and of what hangs in
the balance. This
accountability enables her
to course correct and to
escape falling “out of the
habit” of intentional
parenting. Who have you
allowed into the center of
your life to ask you the
difficult questions and to
challenge you to be an
intentional parent?
Having a vision with know-
how and even accountability
means nothing unless and
until we act. Actions require
energy and time which, for
busy people, always feels in
short supply. If you are like
me, fear and self-
centeredness are oftentimes
a big hindrance to being
an intentional parent. A
sense of scarcity and the
lack of understanding of
the consequences of
inaction allow fear and
self-centeredness to rule
and block our otherwise
good intentions. What will
I need to give up in the
way of time and energy to
deliver in this area of
my life? What will it
cost me personally? It
takes courage to be an
intentional parent. So,
what do you think — is
it worth your child’s future
and your legacy to become
an intentional parent? Will
you muster the courage it
takes to impact a life?
Mark Jordan is the
author of several books
including his most recent
children’s book
Courage The Monkey.
Jordan brings a unique
writing style to his books
for children. In drawing
from his personal
experiences as the father
of two daughters, he
strives to impact children’s
lives with inspirational
stories. He holds an MBA
from Baylor University and
a BSBA from the University
of Arkansas. He resides in
Atlanta, Georgia with his
wife, Michelle, and two
daughters, Nicole and Emily.
The information above was
borrowed from:
Fatherhood
.about.com
Please visit the
following websites for
more information the
Fathers' Role in Parenting.
Fathering Magazine
| Fatherhood | Fathers |
Dads | Family
Father courage: what happens
when men put family first ·
Fatherneed: why father
care is as ... New Wave pro-
family advocates leave
fathers out of family ...
http://www.fathermag.com/
Research overview: The
centrality of fathers'
involvement
Fireworks Splice HTML. .
.. Fathers urged to find
time for bedtime stories
(20.03.06);
Fathers' clubs are helping
dad's get involved (2.12.05)
...
http://www.literacytrust.org
.uk/Research/fathersinvolve.
html
fathers
.com ~ We're here for dads!
Because of the trend toward
fatherlessness in America,
the Center was founded in
1990 by Dr. Ken Canfield to
conduct research on fathers
and fathering and ...
http://www.fathers.com/
christian
fathers, fathering from a
Christian perspective
become a great father,
written from a christian
perspective.
http://www.christianfathers.
com/
MrDad.
com - Ask Mr. Dad: What
Does it Mean to be a Father?
Find more topics like this
in the book:. Throwaway
Dads: The Myths and Barriers
That Keep Men from Being
the Fathers They Want to
Be by Armin Brott ...
http://www.mrdad.com/qa/
life/defining-daddy.html
Why A Father is Not A Dad
- Parenting Articles
As a child of a broken
home and now as a father
myself, I know the purest
definition
of being a dad is the time
spent with your child that
will always ...
http://www.searcharticles.
net/article.cfm/id/8451
National Fatherhood Initiative
::: Dads Club
The National Fatherhood
Initiative is a non-profit,
non-partisan organization
that aims to improve the
well-being of children
through the promotion of
...
http://www.fatherhood.org/
dadsclub.asp
Never
Been Trained!: Lee Jackson
shares honestly about being
a Dad ...
Lee Jackson shares honestly
about being a Dad. Lee
Jackson. Lee Jackson.
It's Father's Day when I'm
writing this chapter, and
I've sneaked up to my office
...
http://www.crossrhythms.co.
uk/articles/life/Never_Been_
Trained/18851/p1/
Technical Assistance
Manual for Evaluating the
24/7 Dad™ AM and PM ...
It is important not to lose
yourself in being a father.
(8) Nurturing oneself is
an important aspect of
nurturing children. (9)
Change is evolutionary;
...
http://www.fatherhood.org
/doclibrary/TAManualWeb.
pdf
Putting
Families First: Tip sheets:
General family: Being a dad
Future Directions · Graduate
opportunities · Policies
and procedures ...
Single fathers can give
children a feeling of being
safe and secure by the way
they ...
http://www.communities.qld.
gov.au/family/familiesfirst
/tipsheets/tipsheet_beingadad
.html
Dad Directions
(Article)
Many fathers even end up
being the prime caregiver.
... "You can't get guys to
pull over and ask directions,"
David Hirsch of the Illinois
Fatherhood ...
http://www.slowlane.com/
articles/media/dad_directions.
html
Dad's Den
Articles ranging from the
bond between dad and child,
character formation, and
making the home bright and
cheerful. Discussion forums.
Email newsletter.
http://www.dadsden.net
Daddee.com
Aims to build community for
fathers online to network,
share experiences and learn
from one another.
http://daddee.com
Dads Can
Promotes responsible and
involved fathering by
supporting men's personal
development into fatherhood
and healthy fathering
patterns in our society.
http://www.dadscan.org/
Teenagers
and Their Fathers
Helping teens succeed in
life is a major undertaking,
particularly when influences
other than parents start
taking a front seat for a
teenager.
http://fatherhood.about.
com/od/dadsandteens/
Parenting
Teens
Time to Connect with Your
Teens ~ The importance of
an involved father. Tips on
Nonviolent Parenting ·
Tough Times Call for Strong
Parents ...
http://www.focusas.com/
Parenting.html
Father work
Fathering Teenagers.
FatherWork can be especially
challenging when it
involves
teenage children who are
stretching their wings
towards greater independence.
...
http://fatherwork.byu.edu
/metaphors.htm
Parenting Teens - Fathering
Teens - Communicating with
Teens ...
Parenting Teens, Fathering
Teens, Communicating with
Teens, Better Parenting.
http://www.natural
familyonline.com/5-bc/
55-teen-communication.htm
christian
fathers, fathering from a
Christian perspective
fathering from a christian
perspective - christian fathers
... Internet usage is
increasing daily. As we
become more
Train Your Teens in Love
...
http://www.christianfathers.
com/
According to 72.2 %
of the U.S. population,
fatherlessness is the most
significant family or
social problem facing America.
--Source: National Center for
Fathering, Fathering in
America Poll, January, 1999.
An estimated 24.7 million
children (36.3%) live absent
their biological father. --
Source: National Fatherhood
Initiative, Father Facts,
(3rd Edition): 5.
Children who were part of
the "post war generation"
could expect to grow up
with two biological parents
who were married to each
other. Eighty percent did.
Today, only about 50% of
children will spend their
entire childhood in an
intact family. --Source:
David Poponoe, American
Family Decline, 1960-1990:
A Review and Appraisal
Journal of Marriage and
Family 55 (August 1993).
With the increasing number
of premarital births and
a continuing high divorce
rate, the proportion of
children living with just
one parent rose from 9
percent in 1960 to 28
percent in 1996. Currently,
57.7 percent of all black
children, 31.8 percent of
all Hispanic children,
and 20.9 percent of all
white children are living
in single-parent homes.
--Source: Saluter,
Arlen F. Marital Status
and Living Arrangements:
March 1994., US Bureau
of the Census, Current
Population Report. p28-484.
Washington, DC: GPO, 1996.
US Bureau of the Census.
Statistical Abstract of
the United States 1997,
Washington, DC: GPO, 1997.
The U.S. Department of
Health and Human Services
states, "Fatherless
children are at a
dramatically greater
risk of drug and alcohol
abuse" --Source: U.S.
Department of Health and
Human Services. National
Center for Health
Statistics. Survey on
Child Health. Washington,
DC, 1993.
Children growing up in
single-parent households
are at a significantly
increased risk for drug
abuse as teenagers. --
Source: Denton, Rhonda
E. and Charlene M. Kampfe.
"The relationship Between
Family Variables and
Adolescent Substance Abuse:
A literature Review."
Adolescence 114 (1994):
475-495.
Children in single-parent
families are two to
three times as likely
as children in two-parent
families to have emotional
and behavioral problems.
--Source: U.S. Department
of Health and Human Services.
National Center for Health
Statistics."National Health
Interview Survey."
Hyattsville, MD, 1988.
Three out of four teenage
suicides occur in
households where a parent
has been absent. --Source:
Elshtain, Jean Bethke.
"Family Matters: The Plight
of America's Children."
The Christian Century
(July 1993): 14-21.
In studies involving over
25,000 children using
nationally representative
data sets, children who
lived with only one parent
had lower grade point
averages, lower college
aspirations, poor attendance
records, and higher drop
out rates than students who
lived with both parents.
--Source: McLanahan, Sara
and Gary Sandefur. Growing
up with a Single Parent:
What Hurts, What Helps.
Cambridge: Harvard
University Press, 1994.
Fatherless children are
twice as likely to drop
out of school. --Source:
U.S. Department of
Health and Human Services.
National Center for
Health Statistics.
Survey on Child Health.
Washington, DC; GPO,
1993.
School children from
divorced families are
absent more, and more
anxious, hostile, and
withdrawn, and are less
popular with their peers
than those from intact
families. --Source: One-
Parent Families and Their
Children: The School's
Most Significant Minority.
The Consortium for the
Study of School Needs of
Children from One-Parent
Families. National Association
of elementary School
Principals and the Institute
for Development of
Educational Activities,
a division of the Charles f.
Kettering Foundation.
Arlington, VA 1980.
Children in single parent
families are more likely to
be in trouble with the law
than their peers who grow
up with two parents. --
Source: U.S. Department of
Health and Human Services.
National Center for Health
Statistics. National Health
Interview Survey. Hyattsville,
MD, 1988.
Adolescent females between the
ages of 15 and 19 years
reared in homes without
fathers are significantly
more likely to engage in
premarital sex than adolescent
females reared in homes
with both a mother and a
father. --Source: Billy,
John O. G., Karin L. Brewster
and William R. Grady.
"Contextual Effects on the
Sexual Behavior of Adolescent
Women." Journal of Marriage
and Family 56(1994):
381-404.
A white teenage girl from
an advantaged background
is five times more likely
to become a teen mother if
she grows up in a single-
mother household than if
she grows up in a household
with both biological
parents. --Source: Whitehead,
Barbara Dafoe. "Facing the
Challenges of Fragmented
Families." The Philanthropy
Roundtable 9.1 (1995): 21.
Americans unresolved
father problems.
Over half of Americans
agree that most people
have unresolved problems
with their fathers.
Cumulatively, 55.6% agreed
with this statement, up from
54.1% in our 1996 poll.
More non-whites (70.4%) than
whites (56.3%) were in
agreement. Interestingly,
the generation who has
experienced more father
absence, 18- to 24-year-
olds, displayed the
highest level of agreement
(67.2%). Income was also
a differentiating factor:
of the respondents making
$25,000 or less, 70.1%
agreed, compared to only
48.0% among those who make
more than $50,000. Source
National Center For
Fathering 1996